WE WERE BORN IN THE BEST ERA

david
During the 19th century, especially in Europe and America, there was a great concern about "excessive masturbation." It was believed that masturbation caused a range of physical and mental problems, from blindness and insanity to weakness and death. As a result, various "anti-masturbation" devices and remedies were developed, including chastity belts and beds designed to prevent young people from touching themselves at night. Some doctors even recommended circumcision without anesthesia to discourage this behavior. Fortunately, today these beliefs have been completely debunked, and masturbation is understood as a normal and healthy part of human sexuality.

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Heroes without capes.

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MY FAVORITE PLACE

david
After the bedroom, the bathroom takes the silver medal as the favorite place to masturbate. And it makes perfect sense. The door lock guarantees privacy, no one questions if you spend a while in there, and most importantly—the shower and bathtub are right there to make life easier and a whole lot more pleasurable.

The warm water, the soothing sound of the faucet running, and the chance to be completely alone without raising any suspicions make the bathroom the perfect setting for some quality solo time. It doesn’t matter if you prefer the shower’s water stream, the heat of the water running down your skin, or simply the fact that it's a private escape within your home. One thing’s for sure: the bathroom is much more than a place to wash up and relieve yourself—it’s a temple, a sanctuary of pleasure.



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All set to watch the game.

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CHOOSE YOUR ROUTINE

david
They say drinking lemon water on an empty stomach every morning is great for your body and helps prevent various illnesses. Others swear that starting the day with a spoonful of olive oil is the key to rock-solid health. And then there are those who claim that a glass of water with baking soda will alkalize you and leave your body feeling brand new.

But if all that sounds too complicated or you just can’t be bothered, don’t worry: a good wank first thing in the morning works just as well. No weird juices, no spoonfuls of oil, no baking soda. Just you, your hand, or your favorite toy, and the satisfaction of starting the day with energy.



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Out of my way! Amateurs! Step aside and learn!

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MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL317

I hope your week has been at least somewhat entertaining, thanks to ALRNCN. Nothing would make me happier. Well, maybe a few things would—like checking the lottery and finding out I’m a millionaire, or a Dubai sheikh deciding to fund me just for fun, waking up to breakfast in bed prepared by Margot Robbie in lingerie, or Elon Musk randomly wiring me a couple of million just “for the lols.” Or even bumping into Angela White, having her twist her ankle, bringing her home to ice it, and then getting absolutely ravaged by her as a thank-you. That too.

But without a doubt, knowing that ALRNCN is keeping you entertained is also on the list of things that make me happy. I don’t know in what position, but trust me, you’re on there.

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Kanchō (カンチョー)

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EAT, SLEEP, SHOWER AND MASTURBATE

oscar, david
Hygiene is essential, just like masturbation, so jerking off in the shower is like taking a nap after lunch—a timeless act of self-care. I’m pretty sure I read this in an ancient Chinese proverb, or at least I like to think so. And honestly, if the Chinese have spent millennia perfecting gunpowder, silk, and philosophy, they probably know a thing or two about life’s simple pleasures. Take their advice.



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Wool dicks. Get yours this winter.

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NOW YOU CAN START

jimmy, walter, ruben, david, sosuke
The day doesn’t start when the sun rises. The day starts when we share our first jerk-off post on ALRNCN.



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Someone should tell her that you’re not supposed to introduce fruit into his diet before four months.

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LESS REFLECTING AND MORE FINGERING

david, javi, faisan, smm, bruno, walter
Tip of the day: If every time someone tells you to "sleep on it," you spend that time jerking off instead, you might not reach any conclusions... but at least you'll be relaxed and sleep like a baby.

Have a great start to the week, ALRNCN friends.



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Alcohol and virtual reality.

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